My adventures into Motherhood
Have you ever held a fresh warm poo in your hand? I have, it’s gross…..
I recently purchased a potty in the hopes of Sofia showing signs of readiness for potty training. I optimistically thought she might be a wonder child and be able to be potty-trained before her sibling arrives. So far, no dice. But at least she’s showing interest in it, tapping her nappy and then sitting down on it the correct way round once I’ve taken off her nappy. This is what we were doing the morning when she decided that she wanted to run around commando. No problem, I thought, she’s pee’d on the floor before and it’s nothing I can’t handle. She very rarely poos in the morning after breakfast, she’s more of an afternoon poo-er so it never occurred to me that she might drop a log or two on my living room floor…..
It started out as any other morning, breakfast and our morning Skype session with Por and Goong. Then while I was talking with Sof’s grandparents, I noticed a small brown ball roll across the floor in my peripheral vision. I was just thinking “what toy is that?” when my brain caught up with the reality of my merrily playing daughter plopping two further logs onto the living room rug. One was light brown with corn and the other was darker and more melted chocolatey looking. Cue abject horror and mild panic, especially because Sof had just turned around and stepped on a corner of it and was marching towards me across the rug with poop on her shoes. (yes, she is dressed rather oddly, a top, no trousers and shoes because she wanted to wear them) I think I was more appalled at her complete casual disregard for having just poo’ed. She didn’t even point at it proudly and declare to me that she had poo’ed, she just carried on like nothing had happened!
I jumped up and used the roll of paper towels on the dining table because they were the closest thing to hand. The damage was thus;
After wiping and containing the source, I swathed the logs and ball of poo in paper towels and binned them, then I locked Sof out of the lounge with the kiddie gate and pulled on rubber gloves and got out my industrial strength Vanish carpet cleaner. This stuff is brilliant and I highly recommend it for all mothers for use on poop, vomit, food stains etc. Por and Goong were still watching the drama via Skype (although they thought it was a comedy) while stating unhelpful suggestions on how to clean it up. Unhelpful mainly because they weren’t physically there to help me clean it up… The benefit of having a very cheap acrylic rug from B&Q is that nothing sticks to it, and after working in the foaming carpet cleaner and sponging that out, there was no trace and no smell of the carnage of only minutes before.
That was only the first time I’ve held Sofia’s still warm log. The next time I was at the playground having lunch with Aimee, a Pret picnic while Sofia played on an empty playground with all the equipment to herself. As the weather had been very very warm that week, and she had a touch of nappy rash, I thought the outdoor playtime might be a good time to let her go commando. She had a skirt on to hide her modesty and there were no other parents and children around to judge my very lax parenting so I let Sof go for it. Well, what happens when you’re having lunch with a friend and not really paying attention to how much nappy-off time your child is enjoying? They pee and poo in the playground, that’s what. Sofia deftly left a puddle and a small log on the first step of the playground climbing frame, and again she didn’t tell me she’d done it. But at least this time there was no rug to scrub, I simply used a whole bunch of wipes to clear up Sof’s mess and her butt. The skirt had to be bagged as it had a brown poo streak down the inside of it, so she spent the rest of the afternoon in her t-shirt and nappy. And I apologised to Aimee for having to witness Sofia’s playground defecation, assuring her that I didn’t usually let her do things like that in public. No really…. that was the first time, honest!
A friend of mine, and new-mummy, recently experienced poop all over her thighs. I haven’t heard all the gory details, but I can imagine that projectile baby-shart during a nappy change because it has also happened to us. When Sof was still small, we used to change her in the cot and Nath nearly jumped a mile when Sof let rip a high-pressure fart that sprayed poop all over her cot bars and the back of the cot-tidy – shot-gun like. Mercifully for Nath, the cot-tidy acted as poop-kevlar between the explosive bottom and his body. I was too busy laughing to be much help because the look on Nath’s face was priceless. When there is that much runny poop, you just don’t know where to wipe first! But for all parents-to-be, the reality check is ‘you will get poop on you at some stage, it is inevitable’ so remain calm and grab a wipe or two 🙂