the aspiring yummy mummy

My adventures into Motherhood

Friends who are sans baby


Now that Sofia’s started to have some visitors, I’m beginning to notice something weird amongst our friends. I know our friends to be intelligent, engaging and amazing people, but I’ve noticed that when I start to describe my new life, I usually get blank blinking and nodding and smiling. The enthusiasm and agreeance is all there as our friends lovingly support us, but I can tell – they just don’t quite get it.

Maybe it’s because we’re now completely obsessed with boring things like poo colour and baby gadgets, but I also think it’s because they don’t yet have kids. Through no fault of their own, they just can’t imagine what it’s like to be a parent. No-one can, it’s something you can only begin to realise once you’ve taken the journey, and despite any of my graphic and honest descriptions – it’s just not possible to fully understand such a life-changing event unless you’ve been through the same thing. We’re the first amongst most of our friends to have a baby, especially amongst our London-living expat kiwi friends who have all come over here for the Big OE, enjoying travelling around Europe and making the big bucks. We were doing that, living the dream as DINKY’s (double income no kids yet) and so we had acquired friends at the same life stage as us.

Now everything has fundamentally changed for us, but to our friends we’re still the same people whom they would naturally invite to birthday celebrations at clubs and dance-all-night parties. Part of it is my fault; I remember being pregnant and optimistically ensuring my friends that of course, I’d still meet up with them and we’d go out! I imagined a fantasy life where my baby would have no trouble fitting in with my plans and would boldly go wherever I wished to drag them. My life was still all about ME. But I’m rapidly coming to terms with the fact that my life now revolves around Sofia, her safety and comfort needs come before my own, and her feeding and sleeping schedule dictates exactly what I can and can’t get done that day. I still haven’t mastered taking her out of the house, which requires military-style tactical plans and is really not as simple as most people think it is. Here’s a conversation with one of my mates:

Me: (proudly proclaiming) “I took Sofia out of the house for the first time the other day!”

Mate: (scoffs) “Don’t you just bung her in the pram and go?”

Eerrrr, well, no mate – you don’t.

I’m very thankful for my ante-natal group, all of whom have been warm and friendly and willing to share their experiences which has made me feel so much more normal. And once I’ve gotten the hang of getting out and about, I fully intend to make the effort to join some Mums&Bubs groups in my area so I don’t become a social outcast who loses the ability to string polysyllabic words together in a comprehensible sentence, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to make some new friends too!

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5 comments on “Friends who are sans baby

  1. Nicole
    February 10, 2011

    Good luck with that! It is true, I can’t have children so hate friends going on and on about theirs. Make sure you still have time for your own interests.

  2. andrew
    February 10, 2011

    Wait till they get to like 18 months… their the best then… they can just walk, just understand… and man are they great chick magnets.

    You just let them go in a mall or a bar and girls will always help you find them.

    Don’t worry. You’ll have all your guy friends coming back to borrow your kids. It’s that perpetual cycle, it keeps happeing till their 18, then the boys don’t give them back

  3. Mrs Kykea
    February 11, 2011

    And for those friends who are actually trying to have babies, your life is the most interesting life out there. We want to know every single detail, poo colours included!

  4. lolcalder
    February 11, 2011

    I am loving this blog! it seems every thought or worry I have seems to turn up on your blog. Nice to know I am not alone. PS totally had the tears in the early days. (Although I am more of a natural crier).

  5. helenredfernbirthandbaby
    February 21, 2011

    You’re spot on, it really is impossible to appreciate parenthood before you are immersed in it. You must however, not talk baby-poo with your non-parent friends, that is what Mother and Baby groups are for. Good luck!

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This entry was posted on February 10, 2011 by in Discussion topics and tagged , , , , .
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